My webite.

[Kat]

I am posting my new site in the hope that people can have a look and give me
some feedback. Anything would be great. This is my first attempt at a
website, and I want to make it impressive so I can use it to gain business
in the future on some of the projects I am working on. Some pages have
passwords, and you won't be able to view them with out my permission. This
is to protect the privacy of my references listed, and also because I have
links to personal and family pages (and we don't want the neighbours to know
we are talking about them in the message board ) Thanks for all your help.

 

[Kat]

<g> opps, i suppose you need the address:
www.teachinginnovations.net

 

[Mickey]

Hi Kat

Just a few observations regarding your sentence structure, the inappropriate
use of 'which' rather than 'that' and the excessive use of commas. For
example:

1. Rewrite "What I am asking of Teachers around the country, is to submit
classes which have worked wonderfully, so they can be included in my
project".

To read:

"I am asking Teachers around the country to submit classes that have worked
wonderfully so they can be included in my project."

2. Rewrite "Also, if you can go through the list and tell me what I have
forgotten".

To read

"Also, please go through the list and tell me what I have forgotten."

3. Your Mission statement says:

"My ambition as a professional educator, is to make the lives of teacher an
easier one, so the talented and special people we have out in the education
system, can concentrate purely on their teaching and their students".
Get rid of all of the commas in this statement - they are not needed.

4. Try not to end sentences with a preposition. On the career intentions
page:

"Then students go to their individual tablets (like a flat portable computer
screen - on which you can use a stylus pen to write), they enter their user
ID and password, and the program takes them to the level that they were last
at."

4. Also on the career intentions page, this sentence doesn't make sense:

"Physical activities, as well as work on the computer, where they would
answer questions afterwards".

Hope this helps.

Mickey

 

[Kat]

Thanks for your reply, I have made the changes you suggested, and have
reworded this one:

4. Also on the career intentions page, this sentence doesn't make


"Physical activities, as well as work on the computer, where they

would answer questions afterwards".

To this:

Physical activities would also be used in conjunction with the computer work
and students would input appropriate data resulting from the activity.

What do you think?

 

[Mickey]

Looks good to me, Kat.

Cheers

M

Thanks for your reply, I have made the changes you suggested, and have
reworded this one:



To this:

Physical activities would also be used in conjunction with the computer work
and students would input appropriate data resulting from the activity.

What do you think?